never knows best

2600-ish words about my first 2 shows

2011-06-26T07:07:00.000-07:00

Going to do my best to go through this chronologically in my head. I want to both describe the events and give you a rough idea of why I agreed to do them, and in a larger picture, make music in the first place.

Last year I attended the first NerdRage. I didn't do it for any real affinity of the genre, but rather to shoot the shit with Frontalot, as I tend to do about twice a year when he rolls through. I did run into some fans of mine, as tends to happen at some of the nerdcore shows, mostly because of the orange hat.

Now, people have been wondering when I would be playing shows for awhile now. Seems like every year at least one person asks if I'm going to Nerdapalooza, and my answer is always along the same lines: if I get invited to play, then I'd probably spend the (large) sum of money to go down and perform. Understand that I don't get out much due to my back injury, and I've never been terribly keen on championing my own music to anybody besides myself.

So fast forward to March of this year, and the same fan who I had talked with at the last NerdRage, had been in contact with Zilla, who runs the show, in an attempt to get me on the bill. So I tell him that if they really want to book me, then I'd play my first show. A little nerve-wracking, but I'll manage. Fast-forward to April and Zilla gets a hold of me himself and I originally agree on about 13 minutes, which would have been 4 songs. I'm not trying to push the limits of what my back and/or lungs can handle. Lets face it, my vocal chords are out of shape.

So begins the process of digging up the original beats, layering back in the hooks, and rehearsal day after day. I may be lazy, but I take music and performance very seriously. It doesn't matter if it's 1 person, or 100, I'm going to put out the same amount of energy. While I don't put a great deal of value in the quality of what I've produced up to this point, I'll be damned if it doesn't get delivered with the proper amount of energy.

So as things get closer, more acts get confirmed. More people who already know me from Rhymetorrents or wherever, and I get the feeling the show will just have a fantastic vibe so I'm not particularly nervous.

June 7th I get an email: "Would you be available to open for Koo Koo Kanga Roo"... and my first thought is... da fuck? Turns out it's someone Zilla had given my name to, and they needed an opening act for the 24th, the week after NerdRage. I check out the band's videos and am a bit confused as it seems they are aiming toward kids, and I ask the promoter if he's really familiar with my music (First red flag: "hey guys" HINT: attack slug is and has always been just me)

So after making sure he knows my material isn't 100% clean of profanity, we hash out the amount of time, which he originally said would need 30-40 minutes and I was kind of thought was crazy, so it came down to 25 minutes. (Second red flag: "nerd-core" HINT: who spells it with a hyphen? it's unnecessary")

That show starts at 5pm on a Friday, I didn't particularly expect a huge turnout.

I go back and forth a bit about "bringing people out" as I still think this promoter literally has no idea who I am or what I do. Expecting me to bring 15 people to a show when A: my fanbase mostly internet, not local B: it's literally my second show and C: I had just done a show 6 days prior, in a nerdcore showcase. That's super-saturation. (Third red flag: this was a nationally touring act, and they really need a nobody like me to "bring people out"?)

Shortly after this I hear back from Zilla, who lets me know he's glad I took the Koo Koo show, and now has 20 minutes of time for me at NerdRage instead of 15. So at this point all my rehearsals had been for. 14 minutes of material. After a few moments of panic, I quickly add a few more songs and resume rehearsals as planned.

The next day the promoter of the 2nd show says he booked someone else as the opener as he feels they can get more local people out of the show. (This ended up being ECOMOG who are excellent) He says he can keep me on with a shorter set, 20 minutes. This is just fine by me.

Anyhow, on to NerdRage, and I would worry about the Koo Koo show when then time comes.

Got into Philly about 3:30, (load-in was 4), and scoped out the venue. It's a yoga studio on the 2nd floor. Stand outside thinking maybe I'd spot someone for about a half hour, and then head upstairs... I'm the first one there. Well shit. So I take a seat on the comfy chair and wait for a bit. The next people to show up are Zilla + sound guy (I will probably be blanking on names for most of this, I'm awful at remembering them). Everyone seems quite nice.

More artists start to file in, and I change in to the orange hat because people are totally not recognizing me at first. We get all the technical stuff worked out, I do a small soundcheck, and the first thing I'm stuck by is not really being able to hear myself. There were no monitors facing the stage and the sound was just kind of bouncing off the walls in the small-ish building. But I can hear the beat well enough, so I thought that's really the important part.

Now, I'm generally a high strung person. I'm sure what will probably kill me one day is my incessant worrying over every tiny detail in my life. But 10-15 minutes before showtime was just a very calm feeling. Doors open and people file in, some of them I know, some I don't. It's all good. By now I've been shooting the shit with just about everyone who was performing that night. Video games, manga, anime, nerdcore, all stuff I've got way too much knowledge on.

I should probably mention at this point the incredible amount of heat building in the room. It was tolerable when it was just the acts performing hanging out, but add-in 40-50 fans on top of that and it was stifling. The time finally comes to get on stage and beside the fact that it was supremely hot, there were also 3 microphones I had to avoid stepping on. This kind of put a damper in the amount of energy I had planned on outputting, but at the same time, with the ridiculous heat, I don't know if I would have been able to pull that energy from anywhere.

This part of my memory is kind of a blur. I know I fucked up a small part of the first song (couple bars early on the first hook, no big deal). That's the only thing I can cough up to nervousness. Once I got into that first hook, all the rehearsing paid off as I felt my body go on autopilot. I didn't have to remember my lyrics, they were just there. But at the same time it was incredibly hot, and I could feel my energy being sapped by the 2nd song of a 6 song set. And more worrying still, I was perhaps trying too hard to compensate for the fact I couldn't hear my own voice bouncing back, that I was running out of breath. (which was really a non-factor in rehearsal with much more jumping around). Also applause is a strange thing that I am not used to.

In spite of all that, I finished up without any more glaring errors, and even the part where I lay down during "So Lazy" came off without the mic giving feedback, which was my only worry (didn't think to rehearse that part at sound check). At this point I'm drenched in sweat, and head to the back room to catch my breath, and take some Vicodin. Then to the bathroom to get changed into clothes that are not covered in sweat, and head back out to enjoy the show. Now everyone I talked to past this point tells me the set sounded good, and until I see the video playback I'll take their word for it.

So now it's just schmoozing and chilling with people. Watching the rest of the acts who all put on amazing shows, and handing out business cards. The rest of the night is also a bit of a blur, but everyone I talked to was awesome, and hell, I even got paid 20 bucks, which is enough to cover my gas money for the day. I don't make music to make money, that was never my goal. So having my costs covered was a nice bonus I didn't even expect. I've avoided doing shows up to this point because I was never specifically approached to do one, but this was the perfect venue for the very first show.

I hear from ECOMOG at the show they'll be playing the show on the 24th, so I felt a bit better about going where I'd at least know someone.

Now then, back home to rest because waking up the next day I felt like I got hit by a truck.

So the Tuesday before the 24th, I hear from the promoter again. payment is 50 bucks if... *IF* they get 40 people. Still being referred to as "you guys", and now he says "would love it if you could bring out 20 people"... what happened to 15? Oh red flags, I've lost count.

Regardless, I'm still going to do the show. I know a handful of my fans in Philly will be there, and if nothing else, I don't want to let anyone down who actually wants to see me live, as strange as I may think that makes them.

So Friday rolls around, and I pack up and roll myself back out to Philly. At this point I've kind of stopped worrying about everything else and focused on putting on a great 20 minutes of arm-flailing, and then watching the other acts. I get into the city about a half hour before load-in like before, chill for a bit, and then head in. Brick+Mortar are already there, and I chat for a bit with them. And low-and-behold, an actual stage (with monitors!) I tell myself even if I'm playing to an empty room, it's still kind of cool to be on a stage I can move around on and hear myself.

So I get changed, eat a powerbar, talk to the sound guy (who knew about NerdRage, and asked how that show went), and generally wandered around. 5:10 comes up and there are literally 3 people in the room. Awesome. So as I start my set a few more people come in (wearing Koo Koo shirts), and I figure maybe 8-10 people actually saw this show. I put the blame on this partially due to the fact that the Facebook event & venue page still said 5:30 even though I was told 5. So the only people there were the people I had told 5, and the ones who showed up for when doors opened at 5. Whatever, still doing my thing.

I quickly realized that having more room to move around + stage lights = just as hot and out of breath as NerdRage. I didn't fuck up anything this time, so at least that part came off well. And it was a lot easier to regulate my energy when I could actually hear myself through the monitors. The few people there were clapping between songs, so at least I wasn't being met with silence. I've realized that as just 1 dude and a microphone, it must be nice to have backup/other people. Doing everything myself, even with a backing track on the hooks is still really exhausting. (Probably doesn't help I don't leave myself much space to breathe) All in all it was a much different and certainly interesting experience. It served as a nice counterpoint to NerdRage.

The best part though, was that I managed to make new fans out of people who had never heard of me. This alone made the entire trip worth it. It kind of reaffirms the need to get my ass back to recording and making new music.

After my set, ECOMOG shows up and does their thing, which is awesome as usual. Then Brick+Mortar put on a very high energy set, even if I had no idea what they were singing about. Koo Koo was running a bit late with the Philly traffic and I saw them coming in the back door about halfway into my set. THEY ARE VERY TALL. Also the merch setup they have is really cool. It's got a PC with a webcam that you can take your picture on, and then they upload those shots to Facebook the next day. Really clever way to do fan interaction with social media. I got to talk to them a bit after my set and they are genuinely nice dudes. I got quizzed on the genesis of nerdcore, and how the movement came about. I knew the promoter booking the show had no idea when he spelled it "nerd-core". They told me how they played Nerdapalooza last year, so they had some understanding of the scene.

Anyhow, that set they do is fucking insane. I can't even comprehend putting out that much energy. They get the whole crowd dancing along and the songs are legitimately catchy. Looking back on all the acts that night I realized I was the only one cursing up a storm. Makes me look a bit silly in retrospect, but whatever.

We ended up with 27 "paid", so the openers made no money. Personally I kind of expected as much considering how last minute things came together. (and certainly because most everyone in the area who wanted to see me, already had 6 days prior). The promoter couldn't even be bothered to learn basic facts about who he was booking, which I know isn't really his job, but NerdRage felt so much better because Zilla had a vested interest in seeing it succeed as he was also performing on the bill. Got some good advice from the lead singer of Brick+Mortar about getting a bass amp to monitor my vocals, at this point I don't know what the future holds for live performances, but it's certainly an expense I'll consider.

So after talking to more people than I would in any given month, I hit the road to get myself back home. The Vicodin was working fantastically, and there was very little traffic. I had managed to survive 2 shows in Philly without getting my car stolen, or any traffic tickets. I managed to get real lucky with parking in close proximity to the venue both times, which is great when you've got a bad back.

All in all I'd say both experiences were very positive. I certainly learned a lot about what goes into a live show, and I hope everyone who came out to see me enjoyed themselves. While I may not put the most faith in the quality of my music at times, I'm certainly committed to making sure it's a high energy show.

Thanks to everyone who came out, everyone I got to talk to, and all the artists I performed with. I can genuinely say everyone was awesome, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

-attackslug

out of focus

2011-05-28T17:24:00.000-07:00

I'm falling apart. This much I know. I've spent the last 3 months trying to maintain some kind of exercise regimen. And what good has it done me? Now I get numbness in the entire right side of my body. Now I get numbness in the right side of my face.

I thought at first maybe it was eye fatigue. But I'm not doing any more computing/gaming than I have been in the 3+ years since I got hurt. I'm not staring at an LCD screen any more or less.

I must have aggravated something while trying to get into reasonable shape, while trying to correct my posture into what it should be. I shouldn't be surprised that it all backfired on me. I shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore.

I'm falling apart.

caustic

2010-12-08T18:45:00.000-08:00

I know I don't blog very often. Everything is kind of shitty and I'm sure nobody wants to constantly hear about that.

Having settled my case things have gotten into kind of this day to day rut of "normal", which is not really normal since I'm in too much pain to work, and not enough pain to be constantly medicated. This basically amounts to a lot of internet surfing and some video game playing. Not a very productive way to live let me tell you.

So after finally getting some names/numbers of good doctors after taking care of other financial shit I was finally able to take care of, I've run into another *awesome* problem.

Nobody wants to give me an appointment.

The doctors don't want to deal with the hassle of the fact that after I get a diagnosis (or rather IF I get one) that I want to reopen the case so that I can actually get my back FIXED.

The whole situation has moved into bizarro world. Now it's a scramble to find any doctor who will even get me an appointment, rather than the ones recommended to me as quality doctors. I'm sure that will end well =/

My next venue is trying to get seen at a teaching hospital, and without insurance I'm not sure how I'm going to pull that off. I suppose I could buy insurance for a few months, but it seems like even more red tape to deal with on something that should really be simple.

But that's the story of my life I guess. Should be simple, but becomes needlessly fucking complicated.

hi

2010-08-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

It's been a few months.

Lawsuit is settled.

Trying to get my life back in order.

Looking for a good back doctor.

Yeah

this isn't me, i'm not mechanical

2010-05-07T17:56:00.000-07:00

So it's been a few months I guess.

I can't particularly talk about how my case is proceeding because STUFF IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING, though still at the same snails pace. I can't exactly say I've got my hopes up or anything, but with any luck there will be some measure of resolution in the next month or so.

In any case, that's merely one step towards solving one of many issues.

In other news I imagine anyone who is even bothering to read this blog has already noticed I managed to release some new music. I had about a week of an empty house so I used that time as best as I could. I'm not totally satisfied with the final result, but then again, when am I ever?

My back/leg is really bothering me today, and I'm not really sure why. I really hope things aren't getting worse then they already are.

Recent video games I've been playing... Demon's Souls, Yakuza 3, Sakura Wars, SMT: Strange Journey... and a few others I can't remember at the moment.

Looking forward to Lost Planet 2, 3D Dot Game Heroes and Super Mario Galaxy 2

I'm not even going to let the thought enter my mind that things are looking better recently, because if there's one thing I've learned it's that the universe loves to destroy any positive thoughts I may have.

and i've rehearsed my lines, and i know what's coming next

2009-12-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

Not much to really update on. Still haven't heard back on my case and I'm guessing I won't until after the holidays. I was supposed to have a clinical screening last week but the study was canceled. Now I'm supposed to have another one in a few weeks, and the study will start at the end of the month. Fingers crossed that one doesn't get canceled, but I'll have to borrow money from my folks regardless.

I find myself expending a lot of energy to distract from the shitty situation that I find myself in.

I've only written one verse in the past month. This constant feeling of dread is not helping the creative juices at all.

I need to ease up on my computer usage because it's starting to bother my wrists.

Everyday is exactly the same.

2009-11-29T16:15:00.000-08:00

The end of the year is creeping up and things are still moving at a snails pace.

Saw the insurance companies doc, who gave me this whole "I cannot give you any advice because I am not your practicing physician" which is whatever, since I technically don't have a practicing physician. In any case things are now waiting for both sides to get in the doctors report and prepare a case and then reconvene with a judge.

The next status update as I understand it will be in "three to six weeks" which doesn't do a damn thing for me in the meantime. But I suppose that's how the last 8-9 months of my life have been. The court date that was quoted to me from the secretary is "Feb 11th" but I really hope that's a placeholder because bankruptcy is getting way too close for comfort.

And on that front, I've been looking into clinical testing that pays out. Even a simple several day study could yield a few hundred bucks, which is enough to keep me floating for another month. As such I've been getting my name out there. I've got a lot more of that to be doing this week.

On the music front it's the same old story. 3 projects now sit waiting until I can escape my current living situation.

I need to start thinking about my top 10 list for games/music for 2009.

Until next time

g$h

2009-11-02T06:33:00.000-08:00

Still 2 more weeks until the next doctors appointment.

Been killing time by playing a lot of video games.

Policenauts (finished)
Snatcher (finished)
Brutal Legend (finished)
Batman: Arkham Asylum (finished)
Axel & Pixel (finished)
Team Fortress 2
Machinarium
Atelier Annie

gamefly should be getting me Afrika today

but I'm looking forward to the campy awfulness of Jurassic: The Hunted more.

oh, and I need to write 2 more verses for this 12 minute concept mixtape I'm working on (not that I can record it mind you)

and Windows 7 is nice.

and the beat goes on

2009-10-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

So the "permanency" case rolls along. Today I saw a doctor that was required by my lawyer. (Next month I see a doctor as required by the insurance company) And as is my understanding this is to gauge how much the injury is affecting my life and therefore how much they will have to (eventually) pay me.

Granted I plan to use the money to find a better doctor and have my case re-opened (and have 2 years in which to do this), but that is neither here nor there at the moment I suppose.

My issue (besides getting lost on the way to the office) is in the fact that the whole thing seemed like a big rush job. They get me in there and I spend a few minutes talking to the assistant about what I've gone through, the doctors I've seen and such. Then she asks if there is anything like hobbies that this is preventing me from doing.

So then I go see the doctor, he spends maybe 3 minutes having me do basic stretches, looks over my MRI and says it's normal (I'm used to this by now) and then sends me on my way. This is pretty much a direct contrast of just about every other doctor I've seen, and really struck me as odd.

I was really ready to go in there today and complain to my hearts content, and they totally blocked me on it by barely asking me anything and rushing me through the whole thing. I may give my lawyer a call and complain about it, but the last thing I need is them making another far off appointment somewhere else. It's bad enough I don't see the insurance companies doctor until mid-november.

At this point I'm just trying to stay afloat financially. My lawyer has told me to sign up for vocational rebab, and with a month and a half until my next doctors appointment I just may do that. The main problem there is I really don't know what I'm going to do now and my fear is that they'll try to shove me into some low level job garbage job. While I would appreciate any money coming in, I worry for my sanity in that kind of situation, as I'm really not a people person.

Music-wise I'm basically sitting on 2 written albums at the moment, and I may start beat hunting for the next as long as I can't record them.

Video game wise I've been playing Katamari Forever and Mario & Luigi 3

Meh

often neglected, never forgotten

2009-08-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

I swear I tell myself every day "Dude, update your stupid blog", and yet I have been very lackadaisical when it comes to actually updating.

See also: nothing fucking changes.

Went to see a neurosurgeon this morning, and his opinion was the same one that I've been hearing since I was originally hurt. "I have no idea what is wrong with you"

Maybe I should start updating on what games I've been playing... Maybe.

and suddenly, it's May

2009-05-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to write a blog post for at LEAST a week now, but I keep falling asleep instead.

When we last left our intrepid hero, he was dealing with FCE bullshit and all that entailed. Well here's how it went down. After the FCE results, the doctors claimed I had reached "maximum medical improvement" and discharged me. Keep in mind I'm still hurt and they basically just decided that I cannot be fixed. Shortly after this they decided to stop paying me. Shortly after that I go to a neurologist and get assessed and get another EMG (normal results) and a report that says the doctor believes the injury was work related and there were other treatment options that could be pursued.

Then a long ordeal of waiting around for the lawyer to get the doctors report (and finally saying FUCK IT and getting it from the doctor myself) and now the waiting begins for a court date. With any luck this should be sooner rather than later as I'm not at the mercy of an inept bookkeeper.

Then maybe I can finally get paid for the first time in 2.5 months. (Also, retro-pay!) This has become most worrying because another month and I would be 100% broke.

Back to the falling asleep thing... The new doctor put me on Cymbalta starting March 30th. After being on it this long all I've really been able to ascertain is that it makes me very sleepy, ALL THE TIME. Now I'm sure some of this has to do with the fact that it's interacting with the Lyrica that I'm already on. Needless to say it's easy to lose track of days when you spend a good chunk of them napping. (Also I've been on Allegra-D due to this ridiculous amount of pollen in the air this year, and I never usually have allergy problems)

So you might say, what does this mean for music? Well I'm still in the same living situation so I really can't record. I can count the amount of times both my parents were out of the house at the same time for any extended period in the last month on one hand. My throat being all screwy from allergies the past few weeks is also not helping. That being said despite the constant sleeping and not recording, I am still WORKING on music. Mostly tweaking the new album a bunch, and shaping it up to be the best possible thing I can make it before I even sit down to record it. After that I'm already brainstorming my next project which will be much more of a mixtape type thing, but I'm not really ready to reveal any details on that yet.

With any luck these will both be 2009 projects. I can't make any promises only because you never know which direction life is going to lead you.

But right now, it's leading me back to sleep.

like a glitch in the system it's hard to catch

2009-03-03T10:29:00.000-08:00

Ah shit, how did I miss new TKRMX?

Arcade Mixtape

This guy is mad talented, and I've been bumping his Megaman mixtape for awhile, so go check it out.

In other news, more new songs being written, this album is getting a bit bloated.

i don't care either way, there will be brighter days

2009-02-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

So it's been almost two weeks here at dads. It's ok i guess, nice to have some home cooked meals from time to time anyway.

Finally got my FCE doctor bullshit straightened out. It seems that they thought I no-showed the Jan 20th appointment, when in actuality there was no need for that appt because the FCE was not until the 27th, and whoever was running the scheduling must not have realized that.

So my claims person got me a new appt for March 5th. Apparently she has the report and so does the doctor but they didn't send me a copy, so I'm a little nervous as to what it actually says, as I've got no idea how my life is going to proceed past this point. My dad tells me that there is no way Coke can fire me because that would be illegal, but we'll see. All I really want is for my back to be fixed and not fucked up the rest of my life because I'm not even 30 yet.

In other health news my kidney stone passed after a month of ridiculousness. And here I'm thinking that the ordeal is finally over when the doctor informs me that I've got one on the other side too. Will these health problems never cease? In any case this time I'm getting some sound wave shot at it to break it up on March 9th.

That may be cutting it close if they decide to fuck me on my Coke insurance after the doctors appt on the 5th BUT I pay my premium in advance, so I should be covered for the month of March.

In music news I really don't want to bug my dad and stepmom by recording in this house, and they're pretty much home all the time, so I'm not sure how to handle finishing the new album outside of getting some studio time. I've got a friend who can set some up at a college, but my problem is the fact that I tend to lay down vocals about a hundred times before I'm finally satisfied with them and I don't want to waste anyones time but my own.

The next month or so should be interesting.

2009-02-24T16:13:00.001-08:00

my lifestyle needs a lifestyle

2009-02-13T14:00:00.000-08:00

So my roommates threw me out.

That's the long and the short of it. I'm not one to make the situation worse by being an asshole (and let's face it, I'm pretty good at that), but it just seems like once again life is kicking me in the face.

It is what it is, they wanted to live by themselves (and my assumption is make babies, but what do I know) but whatever. It just furthers my reasoning that people can never be trusted, and women can control men pretty easily. I'm not going to sit here and blame my friend of 15 years even if he did go along with the idea.

So I'm living with my dad for the time being. Because of my work injury there is no way I'd be able to afford my own place right now, so I'm grateful that he had the extra room to take me in.

My convoluted computer setup is functional, along with the 360 and PS3. I've still gotta plug the PS2 into the TV so I can finish up Ar Tonelico 2 (I know, I know) and maybe get in some more P4.

That is, if i wasn't being distracted by The Maw, R-Type Dimensions, and Flower.

Oh, and a little something called GTA4: Lost & Damned coming out in 4 days. Yikes.

On a more attackslug related note, I have no idea how I am going to record in this living situation, so the new album will be experiencing even more delays... yeah

j

ffs

2009-02-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

It's hectic but it's really not. But there are things I'd like to blog about now that I really can't. Give me a little bit longer and then I'll be able to. (No, it's not album related, just personal bullshit)

I don't know what is going on after the FCE took place. I have not received any phone calls from the doctors, nor my place of employment. I did get a check last week, so maybe they just haven't decided what to do with me yet.

in other less shitty news...

2009-02-03T19:05:00.001-08:00

<3 Atlus

2009-02-01T19:20:00.000-08:00

Everything seems to fall apart at once, and I'm wondering where the bottom lies.

just zeros and ones

2009-01-29T21:05:00.001-08:00

quick notes:

-FCE was interesting in a motion-captury way. would have been more amused except for the circumstances in why i was there

-head is still congested to varying degrees. wish it would go away

-still havent finished ar tonelico 2

tick tick ticking away

2009-01-26T14:41:00.000-08:00

FCE tomorrow.

Afterwards, chaos.

2 new song idea's, but is that really what I should be focusing on now?

i put the smack down like its rehab

2009-01-24T16:15:00.000-08:00

And the never-ending flow of medication continues.

On top of that I've come down with a bit of something (serves me right for leaving the house, hah!) but since I've been cooped up for so long, it's bound to happen since I'm not under the usual daily work habits. It tends to make the immune system more susceptible to diseases. It's just a good deal of congestion, so I've already begun the OJ/chicken soup/dayquil process.

My head is still pounding though, and I know I won't be getting good sleep anytime soon, so I may as well make the best of it and try and get some more gaming done. That's if my brain will cooperate. Just laying around trying to ignore the pain so so damned boring.

Tomorrow I may try some "home remedies" to see if i can get this damned stone to pass.

gettin my point across more important than to hear flow

2009-01-22T17:52:00.000-08:00

Back to the urologist tomorrow (bright and early too!) and the stone has yet to pass, or manifest itself in any way other than the occasional unbearable pain (and that is where Percocet comes in).

I got my paperwork for the FCE. It's a little ridiculous. According to the paperwork I'm scheduled for a "3D Motionprint™ Imaging Functional Capacity Evaluation". Also I'm required to do this in "soft athletic shorts" which I do not own, so I suppose a trip to Walmart after my doctors appt tomorrow is in order. It's also supposed to last 2.5 hours, serious biz.

I still remain skeptical if they can actually take into account all the different rigors of my job. I've been back to work twice since my original injury, and was able to last more than a few days before the pain became unbearable. I'm not sure how they'll take that into account, but I'll be sure to give them an earful about it.

I'm totally convinced this is some kind of serious nerve damage now. What finally pushed me over that line was the fact that when I take Percocet I feel pretty awesome except for 2 things. My back and my jaw. And I know my jaw has permanent nerve damage from 2 molar extractions a few years back. It's nowhere near as bad as the back pain, but it's never going to go away and I've adjusted to living with it. So whatever I did on that fateful day (one year ago yesterday) caused serious nerve damage.

I really don't know how things are going to go from here. After this FCE I go back to the doctor for whatever weird reason. Then I'm asuming Coke lets me go as I cannot do the job I was hired for. Then they stop paying me, and I go back to my lawyer to send me to a better doctor.

My ultimate fear is that the better doctor won't be able to figure it out, and I'll be pretty fucked.

In the meantime I'm struggling with trying not to get sick so I can do some recording, and ultimately motivate myself to finish this album that's basically written save one or two tracks.

Spending 9 hours in the past 2 days playing Ar Tonelico 2 certainly isn't helping.

surfing up the internet on percocet, it don't get much better than this

2009-01-21T14:03:00.001-08:00

My throat is bothering me the past few days, and I'm not sure if it's because the house is too dry from the heat being on all the time (because it's fuckin' cold out) or if I'm coming down with some kind of infection. I really don't need any more crappy health problems.

But more irritating is the fact that I want to record and can't. How else am I going to kill all this time? (Oh right, video games)

The kidney stone has yet to pass, and It's been almost a week. I don't know how long this is usually supposed to take but I'm getting a little annoyed that I can never be too far from the bottle of Percocet just in case the stone decides it wants to move another half inch and put me in crippling pain. I go to the doctor on friday, so I'll hopefully be getting some more meds if it hasn't passed by then.

Ar Tonelico 2, FUCK YES.

I really like the Gust RPGs. Well, most of them anyway. I loved Atelier Iris 1, but for whatever reason couldn't get myself to care about 2 or 3 (I've put a couple hours into both and lost interest), and then I loved Ar Tonelico 1, and Mana Khemia (all the way up till the end anyway).

I prefer my RPGs to be more compact. If you can get the job done in 20-30 hours as opposed to 60-70, there is a much better chance that I won't get bored and give up. I did finish Persona 3, but that's a rare case. I've got a bunch of Atlus R&D1 games I still need to play/beat. (Only 10 hours into P4, I just hate grinding really).

I still haven't finished Mana Khemia sadly. I'm about 40 hours in, and at the very end, but I need to grind a bit to be able to do the boss gauntlet before the final boss, and it's not like the regular kind of grinding, you gain levels by synthesizing items, and at this point in the game it's just so convoluted to get one new item, I've lost interest. I know I'll finish it eventually, but at the moment I can't be bothered. (says the guy with 100% free time). Also I really dislike boss gauntlets. It's a cheap ploy no matter the genre.

I guess it's just a matter of motivation. When it starts to feel like work and not fun, is when I stop playing. I like to enjoy it, because at the end of the day, it's just a hobby after all. If you aren't having any fun, then why bother?

But I still buy Atlus R&D1 games day one, because it's better of having them now at 50 bucks, then waiting 1-2 years and seeing them on ebay for 100+. Fuck that!

Disaster Report 3 comes out in Japan in April. I don't import very many games, but this is my favorite game series ever, and I did the same thing for part 2. I even finished it in japanese without knowing exactly what the hell happened, then beat it again when it released here.
The problem at the moment is that I don't have a PSP. Someone was supposed to send me one for a very low price, but it never arrived, so I don't know whats happening there. He hasn't been on AIM in awhile so who knows. In any case I'm really not sure how I feel about playing the game without rumble, since earthquakes have been such an integral part of gameplay.

Ah, the percs are really kicking in now, time to play some more Tonelico

drinking a lot of water

2009-01-17T19:41:00.001-08:00

Well hullo thar setbacks.

So yeah, kidney stone bad. Oh my god the pain. Here's hoping this doesn't become a recurring problem because the trip to the emergency room was both not fun, and 100 bucks.

I'd hate to have the guys job who comes in for the co-pay while you are writhing in pain.

So that all went down on the morning I was supposed to go for the FCE, so that had to be rescheduled. So that's now tuesday, and here's hoping it will at least go smoothly. Then I get to go see a uroligist on friday, to follow up on this emergency room nonsense.

This Lockdown show on MSNBC is cracking me up, because I can tell some of the backround music they are using is a default in GarageBand. And I know this because I used it for a halloween track I did about 2 years ago.

In other news, there is no other news.

I guess.

they don't sound as good outside my head

2009-01-11T21:07:00.001-08:00

forgotten passwords are the bane of my existence.

i wish my sleeping hours could be normal again.

i'm still trying to mentally prepare myself for this FCE on thursday.

i've been slacking on music all week (outside of that EGM thing).

He tries to keep himself, together

2009-01-06T16:20:00.000-08:00

I start everyday with the intention of keeping myself busy and making progress in this little hobby I call making music.

Because of the medication I'm on (and the whole, haven't worked for 6+ months) I tend to sleep until around 10am. I imagine that could I function properly on less sleep, then maybe I'd get more done, but Lyrica will really throw you for a loop, even after you've adjusted to it

Couple this with my natural tendency to be a lazy mofo, and things quickly go downhill.

So after my usual internet parousing, and breakfast/shower, I end up staring at the clock as it turns 1pm, wondering where my "morning" has gone, when there really wasn't much of one to begin with.

After that, distractions can come from anywhere. Sometimes an old friend I haven't talked to in awhile pops on AIM, sometimes just general internet bullshit sucks me in. What can I say, I'm easily distracted.

Today it was the copy of Tour:Smart by Martin Atkins arriving in the mail. As someone who eventually wants to do at least a live show or two, I thought it would be a prudent purchase. Maybe I'll never get to use all of the knowledge it contains, but knowledge for the sake of knowledge is never a bad thing. If you don't learn something new everyday, then what's the point of living, you know?

So, I didn't get any recording done today. I try to get some vocal practicing done everyday, but I'm not very diligent with that either. I'd like to be able to record for more than 1-1.5 hours without my throat totally giving out on me. And I understand that like every other muscle, it needs exercise.

Ideally with the vast free time I have I should really be treating this as more of a job than it is only to keep my brain in functioning condition. Cabin fever is a bitch. But every time I start thinking like that my procrastination/lazyness kicks in and I put more things off that I should be doing.

I've still got 2 one-off side projects to lay down final vocals for, and a much larger side project to lay down final vocals for. And on top of that, trying to finish my 3rd album and meet my own standards of excellence.

And because I pushed myself to the point where I'm at, I starting to see a little recognition and appreciation, which to me is amazing. I'm just some guy more or less trapped in his house trying to learn to rap about things he finds interesting.

So that in and of itself is pressure on my end. I always feel the need to top myself otherwise it doesn't feel like progress. And I think in terms of lyrics and content I've done that on the new record, but there are always snags. In this case I really haven't been able to pick a song that could represent the album for a title. So I figure maybe I can just make a title up, something that may make a good album cover, because I think that's important.

But as of yet those ideas have yet to materialize.

And I'm off on another tangent about making music when I'm trying to make this blog about I don't know, something.

Oh well.

broke the start button we can hardly pause

2009-01-05T19:47:00.001-08:00

finding a better wordpress theme for my site is driving me absolutely crazy. though i do have a better understanding of how themes work now.

i'm going to be seeing php in my sleep

i've got 10 days till this FCE bullshit, and maybe it just hasn't dawned on me yet how serious this is, and the paths that i'll be walking down after it happens.

and on that note, carpal tunnel, ouch.

i keep forgetting i have this

2009-01-05T10:19:00.000-08:00

I think i should start this whole blogging thing up again, but perhaps i don't have anything relevant to say anymore. The only posting I've been doing is on twitter, and on the attackslug mainsite and myspace.

I think it might be nice to post things that re not music related for awhile.

I just went though the entire archive of this blog, and I always find it interesting to read things that I don't remember writing. (I feel the same way about old emails)

So maybe it's time for a change.

2008-07-11T18:20:00.001-07:00

still out of work
still making music
still losing my damn mind

2008-05-23T07:20:00.001-07:00

hello neglected blog

why do i only turn to you when i'm depressed?

fuck it. why bother.

get off my lawn

2008-03-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

for years i've been saying "fucking kids these days" but man, sometimes it really hits home. i largely tend to ignore the "myspace generation", but everyone once in awhile something comes along that really irks me. In this case it's Paramore. now it goes without saying that i harbor hatred for pretty much every band on Fueled By Ramen records, merely because it's shitty hipster emo garbage pandering to 14 year old girls. at least when i was a teenager, the music for my generation was louder and angrier.

however in this case, i take offense because they covered the song "My Hero". not usually a reason to be annoyed by a band covering a song that came out 10 years ago, but the amount of misguided kids who think that it's an original Paramore song is what i personally find frustrating. when Manson covered "Sweet Dreams" i can't remember anyone my age thinking it was an original song. we all knew of the original version.

it's actually somewhat depressing to see kids this fucking stupid.

the more things change, the more things change

2008-02-10T16:41:00.001-08:00

i want to go back to work

i want my back to not hurt anymore.

i've run out of games i feel like playing, videos i feel like watching, things i feel like doing. i never thought being out of work for 3 weeks would make me so depressed.

i really need to throw myself into recording.

because i dont know what else to do anymore

2008-01-23T03:47:00.001-08:00

a short year in review

2007-12-31T12:11:00.000-08:00

07 was my first year back in jersey after living in IL for 3 years, and has mostly been adjusting to living here again. was at my grandparents temporarily until i got a job, and then moved in with 2 roommates, one of whom is a childhood friend.

and in that respect i'm lucky they're awesome people and we havent had any issues.

otherwise only the summer was decent because i was working full time + overtime and didnt have to worry about money. once the season was over the job decided to fuck me and the rest of the seasonal help over and instead of making us full time (like they've done with every previous set of seasonal help in years past), they make us all part time.

so now i get to worry about money all the time again. so very sick of this.

social wise i spent another year alone (this being the 2nd in a row now). for a little while there in the summer there were some prospects showing some interest, but they all went back to college and immediately got into relationships.

can't say as i particularly have high hopes for 2008, but anything can happen

2007-12-12T17:53:00.000-08:00

it's just one existential crisis after another

it's that time of year

2007-12-05T16:28:00.001-08:00

oh boy more debt

well, the shopping is done

2007-11-29T02:40:00.001-08:00

i wish i had something original to say

2007-11-10T08:51:00.000-08:00

one day you wake up and realize you havent done much with your life. you life day to day. you never plan long term.

time is a constant, constantly wasted

if the next 10 years are like the last 10, whats the point

if the next 5 days are like the last 5, whats the point

an ever lasting wave of cycles where nothing really ever changes

only ever motivated enough to stir the pot, but never enough to just dump the whole thing in the sink and start over

it is exceedingly difficult to achieve goals when you never really have any. and this too, is the root of the problem.

2007-10-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

sloth sloth sloth sloth

2007-10-18T17:39:00.000-07:00

oh noes, One Piece filler arc. here's hoping it's only a couple eps.

just get on with the Thriller Bark saga!

at least the animation hasn't dipped like the last few filler arc's (yet)

RIP 11-15-2005 - 10-8-2007

2007-10-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

it had a good run.

2007-10-01T17:25:00.001-07:00

this free time and lack of money is starting to become an annoyance. and i'm supposed to stick it out another few weeks? we'll see

i really should get this EP recorded

2007-09-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

i'll never understand the Halo phenomenon. and part of that has to do with the fact i could care less about most FPS, and the other part is that it's a byproduct of the mainstreaming of video games in general.

and a big part of it is the kind of people who play. not that i would normally care who plays any kind of game, but when the game is geared towards online multiplayer and that attracts a certain crowd, then my experiences therein tend to be less than savory

PA summed it up best back at Halo 2 release...

2007-09-23T19:08:00.000-07:00

2007-09-21T08:42:00.001-07:00

2007-09-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

so in my 4 days off (in a row!) i...

-slept
-slept some more
-worked on the all new attackslug.com (wordpress!)
-revamped the attackslug myspace
-slept
-beat panzer dragoon orta
-beat panzer dragoon
-played some more phoenix wright 3
-mid day naps are awesome
-got my domestic sega saturn in the mail (now it just needs a mod chip)
-switched over to a new recording program (kristal audio engine)
-was generally pretty lazy

if my work schedule remains shitty (ie. only working thurs/fri/sat), then maybe i'll actually be able to finish this EP, along with debuting a brand new website + merch?

stranger things have happened

2007-09-14T14:13:00.000-07:00

absolutely
zero
motivation

tomorrow brings change
i loathe change

well damn, now i have to buy a PS3

2007-09-13T15:54:00.000-07:00

2007-09-12T16:10:00.001-07:00

2007-09-10T14:44:00.001-07:00

Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice?
If so, do you tell this person he is "too serious," or ask if he is okay? Regard him as aloof, arrogant, rude? Redouble your efforts to draw him out?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert on your hands—and that you aren't caring for him properly. Science has learned a good deal in recent years about the habits and requirements of introverts. It has even learned, by means of brain scans, that introverts process information differently from other people (I am not making this up). If you are behind the curve on this important matter, be reassured that you are not alone. Introverts may be common, but they are also among the most misunderstood and aggrieved groups in America, possibly the world.

I know. My name is Jonathan, and I am an introvert.

Oh, for years I denied it. After all, I have good social skills. I am not morose or misanthropic. Usually. I am far from shy. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at last I have self-identified and come out to my friends and colleagues. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from any number of damaging misconceptions and stereotypes. Now I am here to tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family members, friends, and colleagues. Remember, someone you know, respect, and interact with every day is an introvert, and you are probably driving this person nuts. It pays to learn the warning signs.

What is introversion? In its modern sense, the concept goes back to the 1920s and the psychologist Carl Jung. Today it is a mainstay of personality tests, including the widely used Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social settings; introverts generally are not. Introverts are also not misanthropic, though some of us do go along with Sartre as far as to say "Hell is other people at breakfast." Rather, introverts are people who find other people tiring.
Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."
How many people are introverts? I performed exhaustive research on this question, in the form of a quick Google search. The answer: About 25 percent. Or: Just under half. Or—my favorite—"a minority in the regular population but a majority in the gifted population."

Are introverts misunderstood? Wildly. That, it appears, is our lot in life. "It is very difficult for an extrovert to understand an introvert," write the education experts Jill D. Burruss and Lisa Kaenzig. (They are also the source of the quotation in the previous paragraph.) Extroverts are easy for introverts to understand, because extroverts spend so much of their time working out who they are in voluble, and frequently inescapable, interaction with other people. They are as inscrutable as puppy dogs. But the street does not run both ways. Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They cannot imagine why someone would need to be alone; indeed, they often take umbrage at the suggestion. As often as I have tried to explain the matter to extroverts, I have never sensed that any of them really understood. They listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping.

Are introverts oppressed? I would have to say so. For one thing, extroverts are overrepresented in politics, a profession in which only the garrulous are really comfortable. Look at George W. Bush. Look at Bill Clinton. They seem to come fully to life only around other people. To think of the few introverts who did rise to the top in politics—Calvin Coolidge, Richard Nixon—is merely to drive home the point. With the possible exception of Ronald Reagan, whose fabled aloofness and privateness were probably signs of a deep introverted streak (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors), introverts are not considered "naturals" in politics.

Extroverts therefore dominate public life. This is a pity. If we introverts ran the world, it would no doubt be a calmer, saner, more peaceful sort of place. As Coolidge is supposed to have said, "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?" (He is also supposed to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." The only thing a true introvert dislikes more than talking about himself is repeating himself.)

With their endless appetite for talk and attention, extroverts also dominate social life, so they tend to set expectations. In our extrovertist society, being outgoing is considered normal and therefore desirable, a mark of happiness, confidence, leadership. Extroverts are seen as bighearted, vibrant, warm, empathic. "People person" is a compliment. Introverts are described with words like "guarded," "loner," "reserved," "taciturn," "self-contained," "private"—narrow, ungenerous words, words that suggest emotional parsimony and smallness of personality. Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty.

Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours. "Introverts," writes a perceptive fellow named Thomas P. Crouser, in an online review of a recent book called Why Should Extroverts Make All the Money? (I'm not making that up, either), "are driven to distraction by the semi-internal dialogue extroverts tend to conduct. Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." Just so.

The worst of it is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. We can only dream that someday, when our condition is more widely understood, when perhaps an Introverts' Rights movement has blossomed and borne fruit, it will not be impolite to say "I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush."

How can I let the introvert in my life know that I support him and respect his choice? First, recognize that it's not a choice. It's not a lifestyle. It's an orientation.

Second, when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?"
Third, don't say anything else, either.

2007-09-08T13:41:00.001-07:00

spent about 100 bucks yesterday

2007-09-02T02:44:00.000-07:00

Drunken Tiger Vol.7 - Sky Is The Limit
Lexy Vol. 3 - Rush
Yang Dong Geun Vol. 3
Dynamic Duo Vol. 3 - Enlightened
Master Wu Vol. 2 - Brand Wu Year

2007-08-29T02:02:00.000-07:00

2007-08-16T14:33:00.001-07:00

current goals/disctractions

1. finish EP
2. video games
3. pay off debt

number 2 and 3 are fighting.

today has been so lazy.

2007-08-12T17:01:00.001-07:00

2007-08-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

my 4th gen ipod is a fucking tank. i've lost count of how many times i thought the thing finally died on me, and yet it just keeps on trucking

random thoughts

2007-08-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

i need to stop thinking about the past and start focusing on the future

i need to stop cutting tracks from my album because i'm not satisfied with them

or maybe i need to cut more.

in any case, no "scene" tracks, no meta bullshit about bullshit that nobody outside of the "scene" is even going to get. not even one mention of the word "nerdcore" (unless a collaborator mentions it), just 10 (maybe 9) tracks about stuff that interests me.

buying a new microphone is not going to help my delivery, so the recording process HAS BEGUN

(it's too bad the writing process isnt finished)

ps. Still Here will probably be released as a b-side somewhere down the road. i put too much work into it not to release it i guess, but it doesnt belong on the album

2007-07-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

finished writing another new song today

i wish i could practice writing every day, but inspiration doesnt quite work for me quite like that

still havent bought a new mic/headphones.

soon

sony is fucking retarded

2007-07-13T02:56:00.000-07:00

SCEE president David Reeves has told GamesIndustry.biz that the 60GB PlayStation 3 will no longer be available in the US after stock sells out - which he predicts will occur by the end of the month.

Reeves was speaking at an E3 event to announce the introduction of a new PS3 bundle in Europe. When asked about possible criticisms over whether SCEE should have given consumers the option to pay a lower price, as SCEA has done, he replied, "Well, they're not really are they, because what the US are offering from the 1st of August is a USD 599 version with one game.

"All they're doing is taking their stock in trade that they've got at the moment of the 60GB model, marking the price down and it will all be gone by the end of July."

When asked to clarify if this will mean the end of the 60GB model, Reeves answered, "In America, yes."

SCEA announced a USD 100 price cut for PlayStation 3 earlier this week. A new 80GB model will come bundled with a copy of Motorstorm and will retail for USD 599.

"Well, again, just from a hardware perspective, the 499 dollar price adjustment that we did for the 60 GB version, for the american market, uh, we're no longer in production for that product, so uh once that product is gone from the retailer shelves, then we're back to the $599 SKU only, so it's not like we have a two price strategy here in the US market. We found out very early on, you know, consumers react mostly to just having one SKU as opposed to two" -Kaz Hirai

what the fuck sony, what the fuck

no sale

2007-07-10T13:01:00.000-07:00

so it's finally "E3" time again. after all the shit thats gone on about the downsizing of gaming's biggest event of the year, i'm really curious to see how things shake out.

a bunch of awesome stuff should be announced in the next few days. so much awesome that even ultra jaded fuckers like me get excited

drip drip drip

2007-07-05T18:19:00.001-07:00

call it what you want, i dont care anymore

2007-06-27T17:20:00.001-07:00

i dont care what genre or "sub-genre" you want to classify my music as.

what is nerdcore? what isnt nerdcore?

so sick of it

2007-06-13T04:05:00.001-07:00

2007-06-07T03:42:00.000-07:00

interesting information always seems to show up when i'm trying (and failing) to fall asleep early in the morning.

though as such i've never been one to act impulsively on these things. perhaps thats my problem entirely

one of many i can assure you

minor update

2007-06-03T02:22:00.000-07:00

lyrics wise, i've got 6 more tracks to write. and that ranges anywhere from a verse, to needing a chorus, to nothing being written outside of a concept. i've been trying to follow some advice i was given about not writing anything unless i have some production first. so about half of the tracks i need to write still need production. hopefully i should be getting some of that soon.

in recording news, starting my new job will be a bit chaotic the next few weeks, but having a job during the DAY (albeit 2nd shift) allows me to be awake during the morning so that my free time can be spent recording and not bothering anyone.

also, it pays a lot better than my last job, so after a few weeks i'll also be able to buy a new mic which means i can start recording songs that are in the "polishing" phase (lyrics and music are basically done).

so, if i were to give myself a timeline, i would hope to be able to begin the recording process by july. not trying to commit myself to any timeline after that, but late summer is where i've been planning on a release, as well as a reworking of attackslug.com and a few other related things. living normal day hours is the first step in this process.

in other news, i was on a new KABUTO track, so check that out
http://www.myspace.com/KABUTORAP

r-type tactics

2007-05-25T18:55:00.001-07:00

hex based? R-Type? fuck i need to buy a PSP again

2007-05-12T03:02:00.001-07:00

half my tracks are now "ready to record". when the other half are done i can buy a new mic and start the recording process

2007-05-09T18:46:00.001-07:00

lazy week.

new phone though!

2007-05-05T17:03:00.001-07:00

so sprint told me i'd have my phone in 2 business days on like...wednesday

so my phone didnt show up yesterday

so i call sprint. they say it should be here today, but here's the UPS tracking number.

i check the tracking number on UPS.com which says RESCHEDULED FOR TUESDAY

i call UPS and finally figure out yelling "REAL PERSON" will get you off the stupid automated voice line, but they tell me the same thing as the website

production blog 1

2007-04-30T03:28:00.000-07:00

i think maybe if i start blogging my progress on this, maybe i'll be more inspired to work harder that i've been working. though this week has probably been more work than i've done in a long time, and i guess that bodes well if i can keep it up.

i'm trying to focus on not giving too many details away as i'd like there to be some surprises. those within the circle of people i talk to on aim know things i haven't mentioned elsewhere, and my roommates are obviously going to be the most in the know as they've got to hear about it every day (though i'm sure they're thankful i'm not at the vocal recording stage yet.)

so, current progress as it stands has the album at 14 tracks. 4 of those are basically "ready to record" as soon as i buy a new mic. thats my incentive to finish working on lyrics/beats. because when they're 100% ready to go, then i can buy a new mic which i've been wanting for a good 6 months now.

of those 14 tracks, 6 have been song's i've already released, though 2 of the 6 are being reworked almost to the point that it's the same concept, but i've scrapped just about everything else. of the new tracks i'd say there is really only 1 in danger of being cut unless i get some more idea's for it soon. and i dont really know if i can count what i'm calling the "outro" as a track. i haven't written it yet.

of the people collaborating on this, i'm still amazed at the people willing to help out someone like me. i'm not naming names at this point, there have to be some secrets!

however there are a couple people i would've liked to work with who just never responded back. and i understand they're probably really busy working with people much more talented and all that, but i think some common courtesy just to tell me "no" would've been nice. the fact that some people can't take 5 seconds out of the day to at least give me a heads up is a little grating.

the goal, at least my personal goal here. is to make something i would find listenable. and if i can do that, if i can make one thing that i can say "woah, i made that" then i'll feel like i've accomplished something. and even if after that i never record another song again, if i just get fed up with all the bullshit surrounding the scene, if i just ctrl-alt-del the whole fucking thing, at least for that one moment, i'll have done something.

regardless, i'll keep climbing. i've got a ways to go

2007-04-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

the worst 10 minutes of any day is the last 10 minutes before i have to leave for work

probably my next phone

2007-04-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

2007-04-21T14:16:00.000-07:00

so i havent written anything in here in like, forever

i guess things are a little crazy and i wish it was more stable

there's probably a ton of shit i could write about, but the more i think about it, the less i'd rather do that.

to summarize: life sucks

2007-04-05T16:13:00.001-07:00

zomg year zero!

2007-04-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

i am listening to Year Zero, and you can too

right here

2007-03-30T17:56:00.001-07:00

so yeah... stuff

2007-03-23T17:23:00.001-07:00

drunken simpsons trivia is good times

good times

2007-03-15T17:23:00.001-07:00

always sinking: The proposal involves the "Internet Community Ports Act", which was created by anti-porn group CP80 (incidentally headed by the chairman of the SCO Group), and seeks to ensure that port 80, which generally carries HTTP traffic, becomes a "clean" port, with objectionable content moved to another port so people could easily block it with a firewall. There are plenty of reasons this isn't a good idea, apart from how obviously difficult it would be to implement, but the biggest being that it would force the creation of some sort of arbiter of what is and isn't objectionable -- and as the EFF points out, this would be a de facto censor making wholly subjective decisions. This is the same sort of problem with trying to force porn sites to use the proposed .XXX domain. Still, CP80 thinks it's a great idea, and a member of the group says the Utah resolution shows that "people are crying out" for the government to do something about the scourge of internet porn. Of course, he followed that up by likening the internet to a small appliance: "It's a toaster, we made it, we can fix it."
always sinking: the internet is like... a toaster
Snyder: haha
Snyder: a toaster full of tubes
always sinking: i would purchase said tube toaster
always sinking: but only if it butters my bread while toasting

2007-03-02T16:43:00.000-08:00

2007-02-24T15:01:00.000-08:00

lol blog
lol internet

2007-02-21T17:59:00.001-08:00

i got my fist
i got my plan
i got survivalism

2007-02-11T21:34:00.001-08:00

the bug scene in king kong still gives me the chills

2007-02-11T09:25:00.000-08:00

blah blah blah

2007-01-30T12:45:00.000-08:00

when you hit the bottom there's nowhere to go but up

i survive

2007-01-26T10:33:00.001-08:00

2007-01-24T19:55:00.001-08:00

2007-01-15T07:46:00.000-08:00

oh, and my first music video is up. youtube screwed up the timing, but i'll have a direct download version as soon as i can get the encoding working right.

tinkering

2007-01-08T09:37:00.001-08:00

2007-01-07T18:31:00.001-08:00

possible job choices are getting...interesting

2007-01-06T19:59:00.000-08:00

alright life, keep kicking me while i'm down.

and watching me fucking rise up.

i swear

2007-01-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

viva pinata has been keeping me occupied while i'm not job searching. it's a lot better than i thought it would be and really complex. way more than it should be for a supposed "kids game"

looks like i'll probably be moving in with a friend and his girlfriend early march. he's looking for a 3rd person, and i'm looking to get out of my grandparents house because i feel like a damned leech. and living by myself for a year and a half has really taught me that i value that above most things these days.

so no, moving in with people, albeit a friend i've had since grade school, is not the best solution. but seeing as soon as my uncle sells his house, he's going to buy this one and my grandparents will move into a retirement home, i would like to vacate. which is not to say i probably couldnt stay a bit longer, and i love my cousins and all. i would just never get any fucking sleep. and i consider that pretty high on my priority list.

that being said, the prospect of moving for the 4th time in as many years is grating, only because i dont see it being any kind of move that will last a year or so until maybe JUST MAYBE i can fucking support myself and not worry about these things anymore. but of coarse that means finding a job, and i'm not having much luck with that lately. so much so if i dont hear anything from anybody about anything by next friday, i'm going to have to go back to stocking shelves. i can't afford to wait around much longer with no money coming in, and bills piling up. fuck that noise.

but then again i knew what i was getting into when i decided i was sick of illinois and wanted to move back home.

my friend says to me "eh i'm sure whatever you choose and whatever ends up occurring you'll adjust either way. you are jason, you adapt to the unknown quite well." and he's pretty much right about that i guess.

2007-01-03T07:20:00.001-08:00

2006-12-31T07:55:00.000-08:00

well i had hoped to get out the very first attack slug music video by new years. we shot it last weekend, and i figured with no job, i could edit it together in a week. but the footage is all still on Craig's camera and not on my computer. if i get it in the next few days i'll still be able to make it for CES, who knows. thats already in little over a week.

i've got a new track i still need to get out there too. i recorded another version of it last night, but it turned out more horrible than ususal. i think i'll just tweak the first version i recorded and release that.

it occurs to me i should be posting this in my myspace blog, but fuck it.

hey, it's like, new years and shit. am i doing anything? you should know better! i'll be doing a little bit of drinking and playing Viva Pinata, which is really addictive let me tell you. it's like they crossbred animal crossing + harvest moon + the sims + pokemon.

anyhow, back to the job hunt for now.

2006-12-28T17:23:00.000-08:00

all this free time and i can't even update this thing.

whoops!

2006-12-23T15:07:00.001-08:00

2006-12-19T08:19:00.001-08:00

2006-12-13T10:34:00.000-08:00

i keep stumbling across aim conversations i saved years and years ago while looking for an older version of my resume...

always sinking (12:31:01 AM): "they indulge in one self-destructive relationship after another, with no hope of ever finding true love, despite an army of souls eager to lavish it upon them".
always sinking (12:31:41 AM): i suppose if i really had an army of souls, i would probably use them in a more constructive way
imapawn (12:31:55 AM): mmm..world domination

2006-12-13T10:32:00.001-08:00

"i used to be with "it"! but then they changed what "it" was! now what "it" is seems strange and alien! it happened to me, and it'll happen to youuuuu!"

2006-12-13T07:12:00.000-08:00

i see a pattern emerging here

"I fear that [DS] won't have a lasting impact beyond that of a gimmick - the long-lasting appeal of the platform is at peril as a direct result of that. Nintendo knows its target audience, because it really has narrowed that down; and it's pretty much defined by a boy or a girl's ability to admire Pokemon." - Phil Harrison, 2005

"We feel very confident that the PlayStation fan is going to wait until they can get a PlayStation 3...If they do pick up a Wii, it's as more of a novelty," says Sony spokesman Dave Karraker.

dear sony,

please kick your PR people in the head for being retarded. if the Wii is a "novelty", then why did you also shove motion sensing into your PS3 controller AFTER nintendo revealed it's plans to do so with the Wii?

the DS is completely kicking the crap out of PSP in sales. nice gimmick huh?

2006-12-10T07:36:00.000-08:00